Ep. 42 Marci & Kathy: A Blueprint for Proactive Living Beyond Retirement

Welcome in. My name is Ron Greenwald and this is the Ron Greenwald podcast. This podcast is a lightning rod to help older adults navigate that journey. We speak with professionals. We speak with older adults themselves to really understand the nuances of aging and provide information, tips and really great stories of how to properly age in the most optimistic way one can. And today I am beyond thrilled to have two amazing guests who I love in the door. And Kathy, I just met you recently and Marcy, we've known each other. It was the fall winter of 2022 when we met.

So we have two amazing guests, marcy and Kathy, who happen to be sisters living in the northern suburbs of San Diego, who made a very proactive choice, not only to live in the same community and to enjoy life together, but to be proactive and move to a senior retirement community, which we call a cruise ship in Dry Dog called Sripps Glen. So I want them. The purpose of today is to share their proactive stories of making that decision, because one doesn't wake up in the morning and go. You be, I am moving to a senior retirement community. It's a journey. So, to start with, I'm going to let them each introduce themselves and please give a little bit of background of who and what you are, maybe where you were raised and how you got to San Diego or where you were spent most of your time, and a little bit about your career. So, marcy, I'm going to start with you, if that's okay, and tell us a little bit of background.

You want a little bit about myself from the Midwest, and when my husband decided he wanted to retire, we came out here. I had no idea that I'd be in the situation that I was and that he passed away in September of 2020, and I realized with the help of a wonderful world tour.

Well, your husband passed away in 2020 and 2022.

Yes, but he was your the caregiver for him for a number of years, and something else I think that really helped me to focus was that I had taken care of my mother for seven years and I felt very badly because we were making my sister and I were making decisions for her. She didn't have any autonomy making those decisions. I knew I didn't want that to happen.

For yourself.

For myself. I do have two sons and several grandchildren, but again, all I can say is I think this is life prolonging in a very positive way.

So that goes a little deeper into that. You're the caregiver for your mom for a period of time. You're making joint decisions on her behalf. Was she living in San Diego or was she elsewhere?

She came to live with us in 2009 in Indiana.

So then, after she passes, you move to San Diego with your husband. He gets ill, you become the caregiver. So now you're a caregiver again for your husband, and being a caregiver for a spouse is the hardest job in the world.

It is when you're trying to maintain a relationship, regardless of their condition. It's so different. It's like I'm not on the mommy, I'm the nurse and sometimes that relationship gets blurred. But I tried to maintain his dignity and I was totally focused on him. So when he passed, it was hot.

But you and your husband, before he passed, you made the decision to come to this community Right.

Now we had explored it, that we would come here together, but unfortunately he passed away before that could happen. I know people will tell you, don't make a decision within a year. And I can understand that. I did not wait that long because, again, I had explored, my husband and I had thoroughly explored this place and I felt like that's where I wanted to be.

So there was really no hesitation for you after he passed and you had that time to. You know you didn't have a lot of time, but you took some time to grieve, to make that decision to move to the senior community.

That's correct, and I could imagine myself slowly withdrawing from the world. Yeah, I lived in a neighborhood where people worked or they were at school and I would have to venture forth into the world, and sometimes that's kind of daunting, and due to COVID and my husband's illness, we really didn't have a chance to form a community or be within a community, and so I felt very alone when he passed, but I knew what I wanted.

Well, thank you for sharing that. I think that's going to help a lot of people make that decision that there are options. So, kathy, we met about a month ago for the first time, so I want to hear a little bit about more of your background and how your journey progressed.

Well, I started out as an airline flight attendant and was able to travel all over the world and see that everybody, no matter their race, their color, their creed, their nationality, they all love and want to be loved. They're the same all over the world. And then I became an attorney and I was licensed to practice in six jurisdictions and I retired. Well, anyway, my husband and I were living in Florida in a community a golf course community and enjoying it. But in 2019, he contacted cancer this road, so I became his caregiver and, as Mercy said, you totally are into that and you don't have much time for yourself. But when he passed away there, I was all alone in a large house, many bedrooms and bathrooms, and I had to take care of the pool man, the person that mowed the house, the roof lead, the driveway needed, and I thought I can't do this anymore without my husband.

And four times during this last year, I flew out to San Diego to visit my sister and I saw this community in which she was living and I thought I kind of like this and I was shown a two bedroom, two bath unit with a balcony and I thought, oh, this is beautiful, but they told me it was sold. So I thought, well, maybe down the down the road I will come back to this place, but not right now. I got a phone call in November saying, well, you know that unit that you really like. I said well, yeah, but it's been sold. And they said no, the people had to back out because they were unable to sell their house and so it's open. I said mine. So it was a very. It was a decision made, a snap decision, but I had been looking at my friends who were in their 70s and early 80s and some of them passed away or had a stroke or something like that, which deprived them of the choice as to what to come next, and I thought I want to take control. I want to come out here and make this move now, the move from Florida to San Diego, downsizing a house, getting rid of everything, shipping the car across country, etc. Yes, it was a task, but I had the help of my realtor and I can't tell you how much I depended upon her. Now I know that you recommended her and when I had doubts and was getting a little weepy, she called. She said, oh, no big deal, and she'd help me out, and so the move was was very smooth, and I find living in a place like this, rather than alone in a big house in the neighborhood where everybody else is together and and there's no singles.

Here I have met so many people and they're all very warm and welcoming, and I think the reason is in this community is that we don't know how much time we have left, so let's make the most of it, let's have fun, and oh boy, do we have fun here. There's something for everyone and, as you say, it's like a cruise ship that's never, never leaves the dock. So you don't get seasick. But all the opportunities that you're disposal you can just sit alone in your apartment, watch tv and love it, or you can participate in the brewery. Out of activities, there's a. There's a movie theater here and we go to the movies twice a week at least. There's a library that's so big that you really don't need a San Diego library card. There's a huge indoor swimming pool with a retractable roof. There's just everything you could want. And I can't tell you. I've only been here now about three months, but I am so happy and I found friends and I would hope she would mention that we're the only two in our family left.

Yes, and for all our adult lives, we've been on opposite ends of the country and we've never had an opportunity to live together, and I am so grateful that she made that decision.

So you're kind of back in the dorm room at college, but you guys don't live together. You each have your own separate apartment.

That's correct.

I can't tell you the opportunities that you have here too, because this senior living place, it's, it's, it's not a nursing home. See, people seem to think that since you're in a CCRC, a continuing care, retirement community, you are in a nursing home. Wrong you are not. Not not not, not not and excuse me, but the chair just left me.

I'm sorry.

Marcy, let's talk a little bit about your journey. As I say, we met in, I think, november of 2022, around that time when that's correct. We got to refer you. Somebody gave Michelle Lilly, gave us, gave you her, our name, to come out and visit with you and again, for people that don't know what Ron Greenwald does, ron Greenwald is a realtor by day and I am totally passionate about asking you a lot of questions before you do make the move.

That's correct.

Because moving is a pain in the you know what and you have a lot of stuff, and our goal was to try to reduce the stress as much as possible. So I'd like you to take us through a little bit of that journey that we work together on, to help people understand that if you are a senior and you've lived in your home a long time and you've accumulated a lot of stuff, there are options for you.

Fortunately I was. You were recommended to me and, I must say it, I couldn't believe the ease, with your support, finding the different people who would come in. I did have an estate sale, as you said. You have years worth of things that you just absolutely can't take, so you have to make those decisions and oh gee, ron, it was a. I couldn't have done it without all the help I had gotten, not knowing that these services existed and I could urge people. When you look around and you think, my god, I can't move, I can't do this, you can, there are options.

There are options to help you do the move. And then one of the other things that is very important to me is when I'm meeting with somebody who's going through this possible move or thinking about the move, I always like to ask questions about the family dynamics and the if there is the right trust, agreement in the trust in place, because it's so important. My first question always is to an older adult and do you want your kids to have Thanksgiving together after one passes away? That's always my number one question and I always am very adamant about let's make sure the dynamics are as best as they can be, because there's a lot of things involved. There's a lot of monetary things involved, there's a lot of capital involved in these situations and I just want to get you know, help you get across, allow you to get across the people how important that is in this journey to move to a senior community.

Absolutely very important, the whole idea. You know, mike, I have two sons and they're in different parts of the country and they wanted me to move close to either one. I love my kids, but I love the California sunshine. I had a little bit of pushback, but once they came around, in fact, my son was just here with some of his friends and they were very impressed, very happy that mom really did make the move, because when they came into the picture which was, they were very thorough in checking out everyone's credentials and I was fortunate that I had someone who could back up.

But it wasn't necessary right, I mean everything from the documents that you have to sign. I wish I could express myself better on that.

Oh, I think you did very well yeah you did fantastic, kathy.

You were a lawyer, you're a lawyer, not we're a lawyer. You are a lawyer, you're always a lawyer. What kind of law did you practice? Family law, oh.

Yeah, so I see a lot of the dynamics you experience and it's a very emotionally draining type of occupation. But I also, at the same time, I resumed flying after law school and I became the head of a team of 10 recruiters and we traveled all over the country recruiting flight attendants for Pan Am. But Pan Am went out of business in 1991, and Delta Airlines, since I spoke a couple of foreign languages, took me on. So I was able to combine both being an attorney, mainly helping fellow flight attendants and pilots in divorce proceedings, and also flying to all over the world. I was in all the continents except for Antarctica, so I had the great fortune to meet so many people.

But insofar as moving is concerned, I was happy in Florida, except for the weather it was just too hot and humid. But my only living relative is my sister out in San Diego, and if I hadn't gone to visit her those four times before I made the decision to move out here, I don't think that I would have done this, because my vision was nursing home too. I did not know until I came out to California what this CCRC was, and it's definitely not a nursing home. But one of the best advantages of this is that if you do become incapacitated or you lose your memory, there's buildings right on the premises of the 53 acres here that you can go to. That's amazing to me. So this is probably going to be my last residence, but I'm very happy because everybody around me is eager to do everything and welcoming, and this place sponsors excursions to the opera, the library, everything. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying life here.

Well, you are glowing over it, you're glowing on this, and you can see both of them.

Oh, I am, I really am, it's just yeah.

And the transition is actually people go well then I'm going to be in a confined area and that's not the truth, because actually you guys have a trip plan to Europe. We don't have to go into the details of all that, but so you're not just staying in the senior community, you have a trip plan to Europe and then you have a cruise. So really this is your holding spot while you get to enjoy your life.

Oh, very definitely, Very definitely yes.

Oh, that's fantastic. We want to conclude this by sustained thank you so much. I know, marcy, we are filming this in the morning, and I knew better than that Because we've known each other a while now and I know morning was not your favorite thing in the world, but I just can't thank you enough for getting up and out and allowing us to do this podcast.

It's really the intent. Everybody lives in San Diego, not everybody can be at Scripps Glen we get that but there are opportunities and really the message is explore why you have capacity.

Exactly, exactly. We can't stress that enough. Don't wait.

And don't let your like you said, you don't want your children making those decisions for you, and you want to have an updated trust. You want to have an updated power of attorney for health care. Get your life together. Unfortunately, not every. We don't live forever, but enjoy it while you have the capacity to make great decisions. So I'm going to give you a little bit. Give you last I didn't stress that enough.

I'm sorry, Greg.

No, no. I'm going to ask you just last word on what's going on over there today at Scripps Glen, and then we'll say goodbye.

OK, oh, there's a lot going on here today. There is, well, I'm going to a class Zumba Gold, and after that there's an animated movie from being given by the movie club, and it's the 1,001 Dalmatians. And then there's a talk on the spaceship, and then the shuttle yes, and then there's a talk on how to reconcile being here but then having to move to assisted living. So there's just so much to do.

And if you don't want to do anything, you can also do that.

Read a book in the library by the fireplace.

Well, please give everybody there a hug for me. You know Michelle is a very, very dear friend, yes and well, and I can't thank her enough for introducing me to Marcy and Katie, my associate, as well. We love you both. We thank you for just being just spokespeople, for being proactive, not falling into that depressed state where you stay in your home too long and then someone else is making all your decisions for you.

Plus, you've become the little old lady down the street.

You're no longer yeah. You too are anything but little old ladies down the street. So I'm going to give you a hug and we're going to have to sign off, thank you. Thank you so much for joining us today and thank you for your patience and all the technology, and just give everybody there my hugs.

We sure will. It's a pleasure.

Thank you, be well, be safe.

And hello to Katie King, marie too.

Thank you.

Bye-bye, bye, bye.

This is Ron Greenwald. I thank you for tuning in today to the Ron Greenwald podcast. Please go to GreenwaldRealityTeamcom. Call us, email us with any of your questions or comments. If you're the daughter or son and you're concerned about mom and dad, or you're the aging adult, we have the resources. If you're a professional, an attorney, a wealth manager, a caregiver, we also can provide you resources. That may really be that turning point to provide that senior with the next chapter in their life. That's very positive. I thank you for tuning in Ron Greenwald, the Ron Greenwald podcast. Thank you.